she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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