Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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