Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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