She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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