For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
