Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
