does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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