She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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