He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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