Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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