So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
