I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
