i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
