I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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