discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
