Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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