My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
