I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
