Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
