Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
