You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
