All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
