If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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