if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
