I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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