please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
