Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
