So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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