I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
