Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
