Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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