I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
