I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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