There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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