eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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