If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
