I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
