I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
