If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
