Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
