I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
