She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
