At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
