At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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