I faked an abortion last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
