you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
