Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Four minutes until I can fart!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she told me i tasted like america
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
