There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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