i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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