I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
