We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
