I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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