we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
